As a marriage celebrant, I have a strong love of all things love and enjoy learning about what makes happy, healthy and long-lasting relationships.
Today I'm going to share my all-time favourite relationship tool: The 5 Love Languages. It is truly relationship strengthening stuff.
Gary Chapman wrote a book in 1992 titled 'The Five Love Languages', stating "The most common issue in any relationship is the communication barrier. This is because everyone experiences love differently, and it’s easy to miss the mark when it comes to showing that you care. With 'The 5 Love Languages', you can learn to give and receive love in more meaningful ways, and grow closer than ever."
Chapman explains that how we feel love, is how we show love. So there are 2 amazing parts to The Love Languages:
First - discovering your own love language and learning what makes you truly feel loved (and how to communicate that).
Second - discovering the love language of those you care about and learning how to give them love in a way that will truly resonate with them.
This theory extends to all relationships, not just romantically. It can be an invaluable tool in strengthening your connections with all the important people in your life.
Chapman outlines 5 different ways in which we all feel loved. They rank differently for everyone and you can be tied in two or more as well. They are:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch
So what makes you feel loved and supported? Which of the following would make you all warm and fuzzy:
Hearing: "I love you, you're beautiful/handsome, I acknowledge you and I'm proud of you."
When your partner empties the dishwasher, does a job around the house, or helps you out with a task without being asked.
Coming home to a bunch of flowers or receiving a little present just because.
Having your partners undivided attention, whether it be sitting on the couch together or on a date night.
When your partner holds your hand, squeezes your shoulders, hugs you, or gives you an unexpected kiss on the forehead.
I'm a words of affirmation gal; I love nothing more than hearing how much I mean to my partner, or hearing reassurance from someone I value.
As we naturally express our love in the same way we want to receive it, the key to this tool is using the insights to adjust the way you express your love.
I tell my partner all the time that I love him, that he makes me proud, I'm grateful for him etc. etc. etc. Yes, he enjoys hearing those things, but it doesn't make him feel that deep sense of love or purpose as much as it would for me, because he is an even tie between quality time & physical touch.
So when I make time for him, when I listen intently, hold his hand on our morning walk or give him a massage after a tough day - BOOM, I've got him feeling allllll the feels.
Chapman says, "Love is a choice you make every day" and I couldn't agree more.
I believe putting in effort to learn about what makes the people you care about feel loved, and using that information to express their value to you in meaningful ways, is the key to deep, positive, and long-lasting relationships.
Take a guess at what your's and your partner's primary love languages are and then click here to take the quiz and find out!
Let me know what you think of The Five Love Languages and if they're helpful to you.
With love,
Naomi Lea x
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